My husband and I celebrate our 12 years anniversary today. I wrote this poem as a tribute to our love.
We live in a time where everyone is seeking to “live out their truth”. I recall the movie, “A Few Good Men”, and the famous line by the actor Jack Nicholson, “You Can’t Handle the Truth”.
I must be honest and say I’ve been going back and forth on rather I should write a blog piece about this sensitive subject. It’s been seven months since I’ve taken the courage to come out of the F.O.G ( Fear, Obligation, & Guilt) and seek the help I needed to emotionally, mentally, and spiritually heal from my ordeal of emotional abuse from my mother. Although I’ve contemplated about sharing my journey of hope and healing I am convinced that I am not alone with what I experienced and by having the courage to speak the truth about my story may some how help other women through encouragement and empowerment and reminding that woman/or women they are not alone.
I have learned through my experience that the whole idealization of what a mother represents makes it extremely difficult for others to understand when you as the daughter makes the decision to place distance between the two of you. This decision erupts such strong emotions and opinions from others concerning your choice. It reminds me of what you experience when your pregnant it seems during those nine months of carrying the child people feel they can impart any and every piece of their mind concerning your pregnancy. But just like the example of the pregnancy, although their maybe commonalities, it’s still your unique journey. This same principle applies to mother and daughter relationships. Although it is hard to fathom this reality but the hard core truth is that not all mothers are capable to provide healthy love to their daughters.
Emotional abuse is so psychological it is hidden deep within the fabric of the mother and daughter dynamic that it’s usually invisible to the naked eye. Which makes another reason why when you as the daughter finally have the courage to take your stand most people can not understand your decision. Emotional abuse doesn’t show visible signs of harm. But the harm is done internally to your mind and spirit; Your sense of self-worth, identity, and self-esteem is so severely damage. These damages done internally externalize themselves in many different forms throughout the daughters life. I will speak candid about my journey and share that my damage externalize through choosing bad relationships, not having any sense of direction or identity in my life, depression and anxiety, having no value to myself so putting everyone else before my needs, anger, and poor lifestyle choices. From the outside looking in everything seems fine but on the inside you the daughter are slowly dying. I think the quote from one of my favorite movies, Beyond the Lights, says it best: “It’s like I’m suffocating in the middle of the street and no one can see me dying,”.
Through doing the hard work of seeking counseling, doing the homework, processing the feelings and emotions, forgiving my mother, forgiving myself, unpacking the many layers of baggage I was carrying and most importantly allowing Gods love to warm my inner spirit I began the healing process. At this point in my life I feel such a freedom I’ve never experienced before. My Creator has revealed during those hard difficult times of my life He was actually present gently wrapping me in His love. He has changed my story from shame and guilt to one of victory, transformation, liberation and unconditional love.
I will end this blog piece with saying it is my hopes by me sharing my story it may inspire, empower, and encourage any woman/women who may be experiencing the same journey that I’ve been through. If you don’t get anything else from this message please remember these last words: YOU ARE VALUE, YOUR VOICE MATTERS, YOU SERVE PURPOSE, YOU ARE LOVED!
Resources for Healing
We live in a noisy society. Everyday we are bombarded with noise. From social media to the television, radio
and people it came seem there is never a moment of stillness.
The common American greeting is “Hi, How are you doing”, but in actuality we are so busy being “noisy” we really truly don’t take the time to be still and listen and really hear “how are you doing”. I have found more meaning to life as I now practice the art of stillness and listening. I take the time to be fully present during a conversation with a friend so that when the question is asked, “how are you doing?”, I’m still and listening to really hear what’s going on in my friend’s life.
I take the time to be still with myself and listen to my inner spirit. I practice doing self checks to assess my wellness: mind, body and spirit. These things have become necessities for my wellbeing. It is essential for me to spend daily time with my Creator because I have learned I am not capable of properly and accurately assessing my mind & spirit without the guidance of the one who holds the blue print to this mind and spirit. During these still times of listening I learn, grow and become even truer to living an authentic life.
I encourage you today or sometime over this weekend to practice the art of stillness and listen to what your mind, body and spirit have to say to you.
So often, in many cultures and societies, who your parents are and what class you were born into are deemed very important. This is a tradition that seems to be found all through history and is deeply ingrained in many places, even today. This worldly idea is so contrary to everything the gospel stands for. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior we are adopted into a Royal family. We become sons and daughters of the Living King. Knowing this truth should impact the way we look at the whole idea that what class or social structure that we or others are born into matter. Because the truth is it doesn’t matter in the eyes of God. God designed EVERYONE with purpose & value. It doesn’t matter how messy your family background may be…YOU MATTER!!!!
Abuse is about powering over someone else. When you make the brave decision to speak of abuse done to you your purpose is not to speak defamatory towards someone else’s reputation. The purpose is to claim back your own power. When you speak out against any form of abuse you are exercising your right to tell YOUR story of YOUR life.
– See more at: Emerging from broken
Most people’s idea of winning is when you beat your competition and come in first place. For some winning in this matter means the world to them. Some people spend their entire life trying to beat out all the competition to be the one at the top…the “big dog”. Their dream in life is to be recognize as the very best…better than all the rest….and by any means necessary. No matter the cost, their willing to suffer the consequences, rather if it’s sacrificing love ones, relationships, loyalties and sometimes even “selling out”…for them the end justifies the means.
I’ve come to adopt a new idealism on winning. I think of winning in a communal sense. Which means I can’t win if your not winning also. I win…you win…we all win! Now to some I know this way of thinking sounds utopia and too idealist. But what can I say to that argument I’m an idealist so therefore I’m constantly thinking outside the box of innovating ways to better ourselves and the community. I believe I am not alone and that their are many other Idealist out there thinking the same thing. I have found the most rewarding, peaceful, joyful and inspiring life happens when my thoughts or not on “I” but “we”.
This concept of thinking can be implemented in practical ways of living. For example, if a project is given at work, this communal way of winning could be implemented by thinking of ways to collaborate with all the human resources available which means looking in the community also perhaps inviting young people from the community into the office setting to help with the project. This provides an automatic mentoring partnership between your company and the young people in the community. Another example could be if your dealing with a personal struggle and have been trying to win alone at it…perhaps create your own support group…or if your an introvert like me, partner up with just one person, start a blog or webpage for others to come together dealing with the same issues. It seems to me we have a much better chance of actually really winning the race when we stop going at it alone and start reaching out to others.
The positive ripple effect of the many lives that can be transformed would be AMAZING!